ATTENDING A WEDDING TOGETHER
"I brought my boyfriend to my cousin's wedding. I have a big family with lots of traditions, and he made stupid comments and jokes about everything, even while my eyes were filling with sentimental tears. We got in a huge fight because he was being so insensitive. Later, he wound up apologizing and confessing that he’d been such a smartass because he felt like he didn’t fit in. I’d never even thought that his jokes might be masking insecurity." —LeAnna, 25
WHEN HE GETS LOST WHILE DRIVING
"I took a road trip with Pete after we’d been dating for a few months, and he got us a little lost. But it didn’t matter, because we were both totally chill. We knew that eventually we’d get where we were going, so we just kept driving until we found a place to stop for directions. My last guy would have taken out his aggravation on me. This was the first time I realized that Pete and I really had compatible styles. I knew he wouldn’t fly off the handle when things didn’t go his way, and I also knew he wouldn’t be quick to judge if the roles were reversed." —Bettina, 26
"A guy I’d just started dating had bought a little green roadster that hugged curves like a dream. To show it off, we took the back roads on the way to a party one night instead of the highway. We got completely lost, but instead of just admitting it and looking up directions on his phone, he claimed it was to play with his new car...we ended up being three hours late. I remember thinking He really can’t admit that he made a mistake. We broke up months later." —Melle, 27
WHEN YOU GET PROMOTED
"I was thrilled when, after months of interviews, I got offered a great job at a big law firm. I couldn’t wait to celebrate with my guy. But when I shared the news, he jokingly said, 'So, how does it feel to have sold your soul to make a ton of money?' He worked for a marketing company, so it's not like he was saving the world. But this was the first inkling I had that he felt threatened by my job. Suddenly I realized that my boyfriend was that 'nice guy' who really wanted to be rich but hadn't made enough smart choices on his own. —Heather, 28
"My boyfriend seemed supportive when I was applying to different grad schools. But when I finally told him that I’d gotten accepted to my number-one choice, which was across the country, he just said, 'Oh, cool!' I was a little stung and said, 'That’s all you can say?' So he said, 'Well, how is that going to affect us?' I understand that he was concerned about our relationship, but the fact that he couldn’t get over himself long enough to even feign excitement for me showed who he was really interested in. And if he was worried about being long-distance, he could have said something in the previous six months that I spent talking about going there." —Kelly, 23
WHEN HIS MOM COMES TO HIM IN CRISIS
"I was on a date with this guy I had just started seeing and he kept checking his phone. Finally he apologized and explained that his parents had recently gotten divorced and his mom was easily overwhelmed by having to deal with his three younger sisters alone. I didn’t think much of it until the next week, when I called him. When he answered, I could hear a piano playing in the background, so I asked where he was. When he said 'At a sixth-grade dance recital,' I thought he was joking. But it turns out he'd taken a long weekend and gone home just to help his mom out with his sisters. I knew then that he was a keeper." —Michelle, 22
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Needy Moves You Must Nix
A needy woman is a bigger buzz kill than seeing our boss — our male boss — naked in the gym locker room. The problem is, a lot of chicks have no clue when they're acting like the human version of Velcro. But after reading this list of things that make guys beg for breathing room, you won't be able to claim ignorance.
Seeking His Approval
We have enough of our own doubts to deal with without having to reassure you perpetually. So asking us to weigh in on your most minute decisions ("Should I get bangs?") is a guaranteed system meltdown. Sure, we want to be consulted on major issues, like if you're thinking about leaving town, but for everything else, assume our two cents isn't even worth that. "My girlfriend's sister won't buy a pair of earrings without getting her boyfriend's okay," says Nelson,* 28. "Unless he's paying, I guarantee he doesn't give a damn. I'm so glad my woman has more confidence in her decision-making abilities."
Relying on Him for Fun
Since most women are born social organizers, it's off-putting to find yourself with a girl who expects you to provide the entertainment. That makes us feel like we're leaving you in the lurch every time we have to work late, go out of town, or hang with the boys. Don't be afraid to do your own thing, like 31-year-old Tim's girlfriend does. "I was dying to watch the game with the guys, but my girlfriend and I had made tentative plans," he says. "I was psyched when she asked if we could reschedule because she wanted a girls' night out."
Reading into His Actions
If your guy didn't say "I love you" at the end of your last phone conversation per usual, the relationship isn't doomed. Overanalyzing these little things will push him away...and make him think you're nuts. "My girlfriend bought me an expensive pair of shoes, which I wore religiously," says Drew, 28. "One day she noticed I wasn't wearing them and started tripping that I didn't love her anymore. She felt stupid as hell when I told her the shoes were being resoled. Where the hell does she get these crazy ideas anyway?" Lesson: Take things at face value; that's what we do.
Gluing Yourself to Him
A guy gets a little queasy when a girl attaches to him in social situations. Think mandatory hand-holding, nonstop body contact...don't make me go on. But just because we're not big on being shadowed doesn't mean we're not into you. Take it from Michael, 30: "When I go to a party or a bar with Beth, instead of following me, she works the room on her own," he says. "Every now and then, she'll eye me across the room, but she doesn't need to be Siamese, which is great." Booty bonus: Maintaining a hands-off policy in public makes us even more eager to get our hands on you when we're alone.
Seeking His Approval
We have enough of our own doubts to deal with without having to reassure you perpetually. So asking us to weigh in on your most minute decisions ("Should I get bangs?") is a guaranteed system meltdown. Sure, we want to be consulted on major issues, like if you're thinking about leaving town, but for everything else, assume our two cents isn't even worth that. "My girlfriend's sister won't buy a pair of earrings without getting her boyfriend's okay," says Nelson,* 28. "Unless he's paying, I guarantee he doesn't give a damn. I'm so glad my woman has more confidence in her decision-making abilities."
Relying on Him for Fun
Since most women are born social organizers, it's off-putting to find yourself with a girl who expects you to provide the entertainment. That makes us feel like we're leaving you in the lurch every time we have to work late, go out of town, or hang with the boys. Don't be afraid to do your own thing, like 31-year-old Tim's girlfriend does. "I was dying to watch the game with the guys, but my girlfriend and I had made tentative plans," he says. "I was psyched when she asked if we could reschedule because she wanted a girls' night out."
Reading into His Actions
If your guy didn't say "I love you" at the end of your last phone conversation per usual, the relationship isn't doomed. Overanalyzing these little things will push him away...and make him think you're nuts. "My girlfriend bought me an expensive pair of shoes, which I wore religiously," says Drew, 28. "One day she noticed I wasn't wearing them and started tripping that I didn't love her anymore. She felt stupid as hell when I told her the shoes were being resoled. Where the hell does she get these crazy ideas anyway?" Lesson: Take things at face value; that's what we do.
Gluing Yourself to Him
A guy gets a little queasy when a girl attaches to him in social situations. Think mandatory hand-holding, nonstop body contact...don't make me go on. But just because we're not big on being shadowed doesn't mean we're not into you. Take it from Michael, 30: "When I go to a party or a bar with Beth, instead of following me, she works the room on her own," he says. "Every now and then, she'll eye me across the room, but she doesn't need to be Siamese, which is great." Booty bonus: Maintaining a hands-off policy in public makes us even more eager to get our hands on you when we're alone.
Signs You Are Finally Over Him
You've come to the conclusion that 8 to 12 minutes of foreplay is just not good enough.
You actually have a crush. Yippee!
Out with your gals, you're shocked to finally learn that Sara got promoted a month ago and Julie has a new boyfriend whom she's completely in love with. Turns out you've been so busy monopolizing convos with your get-him- back master plan that you missed what was going on in their lives.
You've decided that being friends with your ex isn't such a hot idea. You have enough pals already, and by the way, none of them treat you like a piece of poo on the bottom of their shoe.
The guy at your local corner store, who nicknamed you Chocolate Chip for a while (What? You needed comfort!), has changed your name to Sexy.
The other day, you dropped out of cell-phone range — for, oh, two seconds — but you didn't panic. Normally you'd be freaking that you missed a call from him, but face it, that's not going to happen.
You just had an epiphany: It's his loss, not yours.
You finally returned your collection of sappy tear-jerker DVDs — Titanic, The Notebook, and Love Actually — to the video store and rented some new, more empowering movies — Charlie's Angels and Kill Bill: Volumes 1 and 2.
Your computer at work has a meltdown and deletes all of his e-mails and the loving dialogue you shared. And (gasp!) you're not under the desk in the fetal position, howling in pain and bawling your eyes out.
Two nights ago, you actually realized that the way his eyebrows go up and down when he's talking about something serious is just really annoying. In fact, so is the way he's always scratching his neck. Ugh...and the constant throat-clearing.
You've stopped connecting (in a "like, she totally gets where I'm at" way) with Avril Lavigne songs.
You know that fantasy where you get back together because a bus hits you, and upon hearing the tragic news, your ex suddenly realizes that he's still madly in love with you and races to the hospital for a bedside vigil (with two blinding carats in his pocket)? Yeah, well, you haven't had it for seven days.
When throwing on clothes to run out to the store for milk, you don't blow-dry your hair (twice) and reject four outfits on the off chance that you may bump into him on the way.
Your date kissed you last night, and your gag reflex didn't kick in.
When you run into his mom at the mall — you weren't quick enough to lose her — and she takes your hand and tearfully says "I really thought you were The One. My husband and I love you like a daughter," you don't turn into emotional road kill.
You actually have a crush. Yippee!
Out with your gals, you're shocked to finally learn that Sara got promoted a month ago and Julie has a new boyfriend whom she's completely in love with. Turns out you've been so busy monopolizing convos with your get-him- back master plan that you missed what was going on in their lives.
You've decided that being friends with your ex isn't such a hot idea. You have enough pals already, and by the way, none of them treat you like a piece of poo on the bottom of their shoe.
The guy at your local corner store, who nicknamed you Chocolate Chip for a while (What? You needed comfort!), has changed your name to Sexy.
The other day, you dropped out of cell-phone range — for, oh, two seconds — but you didn't panic. Normally you'd be freaking that you missed a call from him, but face it, that's not going to happen.
You just had an epiphany: It's his loss, not yours.
You finally returned your collection of sappy tear-jerker DVDs — Titanic, The Notebook, and Love Actually — to the video store and rented some new, more empowering movies — Charlie's Angels and Kill Bill: Volumes 1 and 2.
Your computer at work has a meltdown and deletes all of his e-mails and the loving dialogue you shared. And (gasp!) you're not under the desk in the fetal position, howling in pain and bawling your eyes out.
Two nights ago, you actually realized that the way his eyebrows go up and down when he's talking about something serious is just really annoying. In fact, so is the way he's always scratching his neck. Ugh...and the constant throat-clearing.
You've stopped connecting (in a "like, she totally gets where I'm at" way) with Avril Lavigne songs.
You know that fantasy where you get back together because a bus hits you, and upon hearing the tragic news, your ex suddenly realizes that he's still madly in love with you and races to the hospital for a bedside vigil (with two blinding carats in his pocket)? Yeah, well, you haven't had it for seven days.
When throwing on clothes to run out to the store for milk, you don't blow-dry your hair (twice) and reject four outfits on the off chance that you may bump into him on the way.
Your date kissed you last night, and your gag reflex didn't kick in.
When you run into his mom at the mall — you weren't quick enough to lose her — and she takes your hand and tearfully says "I really thought you were The One. My husband and I love you like a daughter," you don't turn into emotional road kill.
Sexy Surprises He'll Love
You know those blissed-out couples who can't seem to get enough of each other? Well, they don't possess a magical passion potion — they keep their love buzz strong by spicing things up. "Any time you throw in a surprise — a last-minute trip, an unusual date location, an unexpected gift — it sends a signal from your brain's reward center that stimulates the rest of the brain, including the areas that register love and bonding," says Read Montague, PhD, director of the Human Neuroimaging Lab at Baylor College of Medicine.
Novelty also triggers the same physical sensations — like stomach butterflies and sweaty palms — he (and you) got when your relationship was brand-new. And not only do these shared adventures make you feel giddy about each other all over again, they also tighten your bond, says certified sex therapist Darcy Luadzers, PhD, author of the upcoming book The 10 Minute Sexual Solution. So how can you bring on the thrills? From food fights to surprise skinny-dipping dates, Cosmo readers — and some very satisfied guys — share their shockingly fun and sexy secrets. Check out these ideas.
Surprises 1-3
"My boyfriend records law-school lectures and transcribes them later to study. I once cued the tape to a pause in the lecture, hit the record button and said, 'I'm so hot for you,' into it. He took a nice, long study break with me later."
—Jen, 25
"One time in bed, my girlfriend whispered to me in French. She could have just been saying, 'Take out the trash,' but hearing her speak in that accent was an incredible turn-on."
—Chris, 28
"My girl ran a bath for me...then hopped in. I'd never had my scalp massaged, and when she shampooed me, I felt tingles all over my body. The cherry on top was when she pointed to the shaving mirror in the shower, and I saw that she'd given me a wet, soapy faux-hawk."
—Morgan, 29
Surprises 4-10
"During dessert, I spontaneously flicked a blob of ice cream at my boyfriend. He laughed and retaliated, and soon it was an all-out food fight. Eventually, we were both on the floor laughing. It's still our most memorable at-home meal, and cleaning up each other afterward wasn't bad either."
—Kim, 21
"Text him two words next time you're leaving work: no panties."
—Bruce, 30
"One day last winter, I had to go to work superearly, so I got up and showered as usual. When I reached for my towel, I found the coziest surprise ever: My girlfriend had replaced our regular towel rack with a standing towel heater and had woken up and snuck in to turn it on while I was showering. I'd never been more in love with her."
—Phil, 32
"I secretly made off with the remote while my guy was watching television. Later, I snuck into the room behind him and turned it off. He was irritated until he turned around and saw me standing there in this incredibly sexy bra and panties."
—Beth, 22
"One night, my girlfriend made a comment about skinny-dipping in the neighbor's pool at 3 a.m. I thought she was joking, so I was amazed when she stripped down and headed out the door. I knew then that no matter how long we were together, she'd always be up for some mischief."
—Clint, 27
"Spritz your perfume on the ends of his scarf. He'll get an unexpected hint of scent that makes him think of you the next time he gets all bundled up to go outside."
—Haline, 25
"He giggles like a schoolgirl when I secretly pinch him on the butt in public, like when we're on a crowded elevator or he's giving the maître d' our name at a restaurant."
—Nadia, 27
Surprises 11-15
“Sometimes my girlfriend will get me a little gift just because, like a new shaving cream or some boxer briefs. But instead of handing it to me, she sneaks it into my medicine cabinet or underwear drawer so I’ll find it on my own. It always takes me a second to figure out how it got there, and then I feel like the luckiest guy on earth.”
—Oscar, 30
"While making dinner, my girlfriend put on one of those frilly half aprons — with nothing under it! Even if you’re just heating up a can of soup, this will blow his mind.”
—Chandler, 25
"I took a strip-dance class at my gym, then sprung a slow-burning lap dance on him for his birthday. The look on his face was pure glee.”
—Tonette, 26
“We trained for and finished a marathon together. Some days we were almost too exhausted to run, so once, I bought a silly Cher wig and showed up in it for our workout that evening. It totally cracked us up, and the time — and the miles — just flew.”
—Leigh, 30
“Whenever I shower at my boyfriend’s house, I write a silly note in the steam on the mirror when I get out so it’ll appear when he showers.”
—Kelly, 24
Surprises 16-20
"I stole a page from that classic Jennifer Aniston scene in The Break-Up and marched through the living room naked to show off my new, all-bare wax job. He almost tackled me."
—Marcy, 24
"Every now and then I'll wear a garter belt under my regular work clothes. It's always quite explosive when he discovers it."
—Caitlyn, 30
"I got stuck at the office and had to cancel a long-standing date with my girlfriend. I felt really horrible about it and worried she'd be mad. Then a delivery truck pulled up outside, and a guy got out and handed me a pizza! She had called and paid for it, and she had them send a cute note along with my dinner. I loved that."
—Julian, 31
"On an evening walk, my boyfriend and I passed a hotel. I said, 'The bar here supposedly has a great view. Wanna check it out?' We got in the elevator, and I hit the 7th floor instead of the bar floor. He looked confused, but when I pulled out a key card, his eyes lit up — I’d booked a room there and checked in earlier that day. We never did make it to the bar."
—Janet, 24
"Sometimes I'll act like I'm exhausted and go to bed early, but I actually strip down and crawl under the covers totally naked. He'll come to bed thinking he's getting nada, curl up around me, and realize I'm not only awake, I'm ready for some lovin'. His jaw literally drops."
—Ciara, 24
Novelty also triggers the same physical sensations — like stomach butterflies and sweaty palms — he (and you) got when your relationship was brand-new. And not only do these shared adventures make you feel giddy about each other all over again, they also tighten your bond, says certified sex therapist Darcy Luadzers, PhD, author of the upcoming book The 10 Minute Sexual Solution. So how can you bring on the thrills? From food fights to surprise skinny-dipping dates, Cosmo readers — and some very satisfied guys — share their shockingly fun and sexy secrets. Check out these ideas.
Surprises 1-3
"My boyfriend records law-school lectures and transcribes them later to study. I once cued the tape to a pause in the lecture, hit the record button and said, 'I'm so hot for you,' into it. He took a nice, long study break with me later."
—Jen, 25
"One time in bed, my girlfriend whispered to me in French. She could have just been saying, 'Take out the trash,' but hearing her speak in that accent was an incredible turn-on."
—Chris, 28
"My girl ran a bath for me...then hopped in. I'd never had my scalp massaged, and when she shampooed me, I felt tingles all over my body. The cherry on top was when she pointed to the shaving mirror in the shower, and I saw that she'd given me a wet, soapy faux-hawk."
—Morgan, 29
Surprises 4-10
"During dessert, I spontaneously flicked a blob of ice cream at my boyfriend. He laughed and retaliated, and soon it was an all-out food fight. Eventually, we were both on the floor laughing. It's still our most memorable at-home meal, and cleaning up each other afterward wasn't bad either."
—Kim, 21
"Text him two words next time you're leaving work: no panties."
—Bruce, 30
"One day last winter, I had to go to work superearly, so I got up and showered as usual. When I reached for my towel, I found the coziest surprise ever: My girlfriend had replaced our regular towel rack with a standing towel heater and had woken up and snuck in to turn it on while I was showering. I'd never been more in love with her."
—Phil, 32
"I secretly made off with the remote while my guy was watching television. Later, I snuck into the room behind him and turned it off. He was irritated until he turned around and saw me standing there in this incredibly sexy bra and panties."
—Beth, 22
"One night, my girlfriend made a comment about skinny-dipping in the neighbor's pool at 3 a.m. I thought she was joking, so I was amazed when she stripped down and headed out the door. I knew then that no matter how long we were together, she'd always be up for some mischief."
—Clint, 27
"Spritz your perfume on the ends of his scarf. He'll get an unexpected hint of scent that makes him think of you the next time he gets all bundled up to go outside."
—Haline, 25
"He giggles like a schoolgirl when I secretly pinch him on the butt in public, like when we're on a crowded elevator or he's giving the maître d' our name at a restaurant."
—Nadia, 27
Surprises 11-15
“Sometimes my girlfriend will get me a little gift just because, like a new shaving cream or some boxer briefs. But instead of handing it to me, she sneaks it into my medicine cabinet or underwear drawer so I’ll find it on my own. It always takes me a second to figure out how it got there, and then I feel like the luckiest guy on earth.”
—Oscar, 30
"While making dinner, my girlfriend put on one of those frilly half aprons — with nothing under it! Even if you’re just heating up a can of soup, this will blow his mind.”
—Chandler, 25
"I took a strip-dance class at my gym, then sprung a slow-burning lap dance on him for his birthday. The look on his face was pure glee.”
—Tonette, 26
“We trained for and finished a marathon together. Some days we were almost too exhausted to run, so once, I bought a silly Cher wig and showed up in it for our workout that evening. It totally cracked us up, and the time — and the miles — just flew.”
—Leigh, 30
“Whenever I shower at my boyfriend’s house, I write a silly note in the steam on the mirror when I get out so it’ll appear when he showers.”
—Kelly, 24
Surprises 16-20
"I stole a page from that classic Jennifer Aniston scene in The Break-Up and marched through the living room naked to show off my new, all-bare wax job. He almost tackled me."
—Marcy, 24
"Every now and then I'll wear a garter belt under my regular work clothes. It's always quite explosive when he discovers it."
—Caitlyn, 30
"I got stuck at the office and had to cancel a long-standing date with my girlfriend. I felt really horrible about it and worried she'd be mad. Then a delivery truck pulled up outside, and a guy got out and handed me a pizza! She had called and paid for it, and she had them send a cute note along with my dinner. I loved that."
—Julian, 31
"On an evening walk, my boyfriend and I passed a hotel. I said, 'The bar here supposedly has a great view. Wanna check it out?' We got in the elevator, and I hit the 7th floor instead of the bar floor. He looked confused, but when I pulled out a key card, his eyes lit up — I’d booked a room there and checked in earlier that day. We never did make it to the bar."
—Janet, 24
"Sometimes I'll act like I'm exhausted and go to bed early, but I actually strip down and crawl under the covers totally naked. He'll come to bed thinking he's getting nada, curl up around me, and realize I'm not only awake, I'm ready for some lovin'. His jaw literally drops."
—Ciara, 24
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